The Debate is Over: Having a Cat is Totes Like Having a Kid

catorkid

People get super bent out of shape when you compare raising a child to owning a pet or vise a versa. But now having raised a cat and currently raising a toddler, I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt, it’s totally the same.

Nothing belongs on the table. I put my phone down, cat knocks it off. I put my drink down, kid knocks it off. Actually those statements are interchangeable. If anything is left on any surface in my house, both cat and kid agree, it belongs on the floor. 

Constantly shoving a butt in my face. My cat likes to walk in 50 circles before getting comfy on me, so I don’t mind the revolving view of butt process. My kid, however, just backs right up and then usually farts on me. My life is super classy.

Food crumbs are extra food. While my toddler is learning how to eat different types of foods, most of it ends up as tiny bits on the floor. Then when he’s done with his snack dish, he’ll sit on the floor and eat all the bits, that is, if my cat hasn’t eaten them all first. I guess it’s better than vacuuming.

Staring out the window. Kid stares at bus. Cat stares at bird. Kid stares at bird. Cat contemplates escape. Kid contemplates sitting on cat while staring out the window.

Unrolling toilet paper. Ugh…..Why? I don’t understand why they both feel the need to spin the TP at hyper speed until there’s no hope of ever rolling it back up. I just have nasty balls of Charmin Ultra Soft sitting all over my bathroom. It’s like I’m camping, but way more inconvenient.

Scared of the vacuum. Oh my poor boys, they are both so deathly afraid of this cleaning device. I take it out the closet and my cat starts hissing while my kid is crying “Mama, all done! All Done!” Well, I guess they should just finished their snacks bits then.

This lap was made for sitting. Or really any part of me is just cat/kid furniture. It doesn’t matter where I am or what I’m doing, they both need to be on me. All day. Oh sure, go ahead and sit on my shoulder, kidneys, face, neck…not like I was trying to breathe or anything.

Garbage is better than all the store bought toys in the world!!!! Here sweet kitty, I’ve purchased this organically grown, American made catnip toy in the shape of a mouse. I had ordered it especially for you with fabric that is pleasingly scratchy and crunchy.

Cat:…ooooooh look at this shiny ball of tin foil!!!!!!
Kid: *same*

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